She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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