then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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