My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
