I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
