Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
