i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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