I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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