Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
