but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We smell like vodka and hangover
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