Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
