1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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