me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
