now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
