I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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