Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
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