Me. At least after what I've been through.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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