u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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