I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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