Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
