do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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