the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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