She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
BRING THE BAGELS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
