Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
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Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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