Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
