did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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