Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
