Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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