You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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