my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
