Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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