In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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