I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My pussy is not your playground.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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