my mouth tastes like poor choices
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
