Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
