i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
