let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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