His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
