I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When are your genitals available?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
