i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need a burrito and a hug.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
