He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
