i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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