I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
