I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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