I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
