I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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