But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
only if we run a train.
done.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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