is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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