mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
