my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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