Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
