Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
