I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
