I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
