john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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