If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
