Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
