Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Pants are for mortals
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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