$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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