Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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