Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
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she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.