As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
