he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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