Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
