You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
