finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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