Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
