my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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