i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
