he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
